(Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
and that's what it was all about
his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
and his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts.
that was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
and he let them sing on the bus
and his little sister was born
with tiny nails and no hair
and his mother and father kissed a lot
and the girl around the corner sent him a
valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
and his father always tucked him in bed at night
and was always there to do it
once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
and that's what it was all about
and his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of the new paint
and the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
and left butts on the pews
and sometime they would burn holes
that was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
and the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
and the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
and his father never tucked him in bed at night
and his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it)
once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
and he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
and that's what it was all about
and his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
and his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
that was the year Father Tracy died
and he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
and he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
and his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
and the girl around the corner
wore too much make up
that made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because it was the thing to do
and at 3 am he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly
that's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
and he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
because that's what it was really all about
and he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
and he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen
A world with nothing in it? A world with nobody in it? A world of freedom. Freedom? It's a world of freedom where there's nothing restricting you. This is freedom? Yes, a world of freedom. But in exchange, there's nothing. As long as i don't think of anything? Yes, as long as you don't think of anything. But I don't know what I should do. You're insecure, aren't you? You don't have an image of yourself, do you? It's all just too vague. A world where there is nothing solid enough to grab onto...
But you're insecure, aren't you?
What should I do?
This is a space with nothing in it. A world with nothing in it. A world that has nothing else in it, except me. I'm losing my grasp on who I am. I feel like I'm disappearing. The existence that is me is vanishing.
(Why?)
Because you are the only one here. Because I'm the only one? Because without the existence of things other than yourself, you cannot know your own shape. My own shape?
(My image of me?)
Yes, you know your own shape through seeing how other people are shaped. By looking at the barrier between you and other people you visualize your own shape. You cannot see yourself unless there are other people. I can exist because there are other people around! If I'm alone, I'll always be alone, no matter how far I go with it! All the world would just be me! By recognizing the differences between yourself and others, you shape who you are. The very first person is your mother. Your mother is a person separate from you. Right, I'm me. But it's also certain that the other people shape my mind as well! That's right.
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